Thursday, May 15, 2008
现代生活的压力，像空气一样无时无刻不在挤压着我们。有人总是背负着沉重的压力，损害着健康。那么，怎样才能舒缓压力呢？据研究，下列20种心理调节措施是行之有效的减压方法,供大家参考。
一、 健康的开怀大笑是消除压力的最好方法，也是一种愉快的发泄方法。
二、 高谈阔论会使血压升高，而沉默则有助于降压。在没必要说话时最好保持沉默，听别人说话同样是一件惬意的事。
三、 轻松的音乐有助于缓解压力。如果你懂得弹钢琴、吉它或其他乐器，不妨以此来对付心绪不宁。
四、 阅读书报可说是最简单、消费最低的轻松消遣方式，不仅有助于缓解压力，还可使人增加知识与乐趣。
五、 做错了事，要想到谁都有可能犯错误，因而继续正常地工作。
六、 在僻静处大声喊叫或放声大哭，也是减轻体内压力的一种方法。
七、 与人为善，千万别怀恨在心。“百年之后”会变得荒唐的忿恨存在自己心理，付出的利息是紧张情绪。
八、 世上没有完美，甚至缺少公正：我努力了，能好最好，好不了也不是自己的错。
九、 学会一定程度的放松，对工作统筹安排，从而能劳逸结合，自在生活。
十、 学会躲避一些不必要、纷繁复杂的活动，从一些人为制造的杂乱和疲劳中摆脱出来。
十一、 不要害怕承认自己的能力有限，学会在适当的时候对某些人说：“不”。
十二、 夜深人静时，让自己的心彻底静下来，不加掩饰，悄悄地讲一些只给自己听的话，然后酣然入梦。
十三、 放慢生活节奏，把无所事事的时间也安排在日程表中。
十四、 超然洒脱面对人生。想得开没有精神负担，放得下没有心理压力，淡泊为怀，知足常乐。
十五、 在非原则问题上不去计较，在细小问题上不去纠缠，对不便回答的问题佯作不懂，对危害自身的问题假装不知，以聪明的“糊涂”舒缓压力。
十六、 遇事是否沉着，是一个人是否成熟的标志之一。沉着冷静地处理各种复杂问题，有助于舒缓紧张压力。
十七、 不妨给久未联系的亲友写封信，不仅可吐露一下自己的感受，同时也能让对方在收信时得到意外的惊喜。
十八、 当你无力改变现状时，你应学会换一个角度看待问题。请独自对困扰你的问题进行分析，然后找出一个最适应的解决方法。
十九、 一旦烦燥不安时，请睁大眼睛眺望远方，看看天边会有什么奇特的影象。
二十、 既然昨天和以前的日子都过得去，那么今天和往后的日子也一定会安然度过，多念念“车到山前必有路”。
10:10 PM
90/10是个超乎想象的巧妙法则！
The 90-10 principle is incredible. 很少人知道并且应用这项秘诀，结果造成几百万人白白受到压力、考验、问题、心痛等困难折磨，并且他们的生命似乎成了最大的失败，厄运连连，坏事好像一直不断的压力、消极，和破碎的人际关系随处可见，因为担忧消耗了他们的时间，愤怒破坏了友谊，人生似乎愈趋颓丧而无法享受满足与丰盛的生命……。
以上的描述像是在描述你嗎？以上的描述像是在描述你吗？
Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life.
如果是，别难过，你的生命可以不一样！ 只要你了解并且应用这个90/10法则呢？
Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations). What is this principle?
它其实是在说：人生只有10%会被发生在你身上的事情影响，然而却有90%是被你面对事情时的反应决定。
10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean?
这代表什么呢？ 我们真的无法控制那百分之十发生在我们身上的事情，就像我们无法阻止车子抛锚，飞机误点……。
We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%.
但另外百分之九十不同了。 你可以决定这百分之九十！ 如何做呢？ 善用你的反应。你或许无法控制红灯，但你可以控制你对红灯的反应。
The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How?
别让其他人影响你，你可以控制自己的反应！
By your reaction. You cannot control a red light., but you can control your reaction. Don’t let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
我们举个例子。
Let’s use an example.
你正与你的家人在吃餐，你的女儿不小心打翻一杯咖啡倒在你的衬衫上，你完全无法控制这件事情的发生，但接下来会发生什么事情，就由你的反应决定了。
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react.
你开始骂人，你为了这杯打翻的啡严厉的责骂女儿，她难过得哭了。 在骂完她后，你转过身开始骂你的妻子，你责怪她把咖啡杯放得离桌子边缘太近了，紧接着是一段针锋相对的火爆场面，你愤怒的离开去换你的衬衫。
You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
当你回来的时候，你发现女儿因为哭得太难过而来不及吃完早餐，她错过了公车，你的妻子必须马上去工作，你往车子冲去并且开车载女儿去学校。 因为你快要迟到了，只好超速驾驶。
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
在迟到了十五分钟并被开了一张罚单后，你终于到了女儿的学校，她一下车就跑向教室，连「再见」都没跟你说。 迟到二十分钟后，你到了办公室，然后发现自己竟然忘了带公事包。
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase.
你的今天才刚开始糟透了，并且似乎愈来愈糟，你开始期待回家时间。 当你回到家的时候，却发现自己与女儿和妻子的关系有了裂痕。
Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
为什么你会有这么糟糕的一天呢？
A:是那杯咖啡造成的吗？
B:是你的女儿造成的吗？
C:是警察造成的吗？
D:是你造成的吗？
答案是Ｄ。
Why?
Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?A)Didthecoffeecauseit?
B) Did your daughter cause it?B)Didyourdaughtercauseit?
C) Did the policeman cause it?C)Didthepolicemancauseit?
D) Did you cause it?D)Didyoucauseit?
The answer is ” D”.Theansweris”D”.
你无法控制那杯咖啡倒在你的身上，但你对这件事情如何反应影响了接下来发生的事情。
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
另一种可能的情况是这样的：咖啡倒在你的身上，你的女儿见状快要哭了，你温柔的说：「亲爱的，没关系，下次小心一点就好。」拿着毛巾上楼快速换好衣服，并拿着公事包准时下楼，看见你的孩子搭上了公车，她转过身向你挥手说再见。 你提早五分钟到公司，并且笑脸迎人的与人打招呼……。
Here is what could have and should have happened.Hereiswhatcouldhaveandshouldhavehappened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “It’s ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time”. Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
发现其中的差别了吗？ 两种完全不同的状况，但却有相同的开始。 为什么呢？ 这其中的差别就在于你如何反应。 你真的无法控制发生在你身上的事情，但你可以控制自己的反应。
Notice the difference?Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.
Why? Because of how you REACTED.You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
这边有几个方法来应用90/10法则
Herearesomewaystoapplythe90/10principle.
如果有人给你负面的评语，别像海绵一样马上就吸收，而要让这些攻击如同镜面上滑过的水一样，丝毫不受影响！ 恰当的反应不会破坏你的一天，但错误的反应却会使你失去朋友、被炒鱿鱼、压力太大……。
If someone says something negative about you, don’t be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don’t have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
现在你知道如何使用90/10法则了。 实践它，你将惊讶于它所带来的神奇结果。
You can be different!Understand and apply the 90/10 principle.It CAN change your life………!!!!!!!
『人有见识就不轻易发怒；宽恕人的过失便是自己的荣耀。 』
10:01 PM
Sunday, April 27, 2008
奥林匹克运动的格言和信条/THE OLYMPIC MOTTO
奥林匹克格言，亦称奥林匹克座右铭或口号，系奥林匹克运动宗旨之一。奥林匹克格言是：”更快、更高、更强”。它是国际奥委会对所有参与奥林匹克运动的 人们的号召，号召他们本着奥林匹克的精神奋力向上。这句格言是顾拜旦的一位密友迪东于1895年在其学生举行的一次户外活动上提出的，顾拜旦对此颇为赞 赏，经他提议，1913年获国际奥委会正式批准，将其定为奥林匹克格言。1920年它又成为奥林匹克标志的一部分。
A friend of Baron Pierre de Coubertin, Father Henri Martin Didon, of the Dominican order, was principal of the Arcueil College, near Paris. An energetic teacher, he used the discipline of sport as a powerful educational tool.
One day, following an inter-schools athletics meeting, he ended his speech with fine oratorical vigour, quoting the three words “Citius, Altius, Fortius” (faster, higher, stronger).
Struck by the succinctness of this phrase, Baron Pierre de Coubertin made it the Olympic motto, pointing out that “Athletes need ‘freedom of excess’. That is why we gave them this motto ?a motto for people who dare to try to break records.”
This phrase, “Citius, Altius, Fortius” is the Olympic Motto.
The Olympic Game is the international arena viewed by millions where the athlete’s spirit, mind and body endeavour to excel and achieve the higher standard than the presently existing ones; thus fulfilling the Olympic Motto.
THE OLYMPIC CREED
奥林匹克运动还有一句广为流传的名言信条：”重要的是参与，而不是取胜”。这句名言来源于1908年在伦敦的圣-保罗大教堂一次宗教仪式上宾夕法尼亚主教的一段讲话。顾拜旦解释说：”正如在生活中最重要的事情不是胜利，而是斗争，不是征服，而是奋力拼搏”。
Pierre de Coubertin got the idea for this phrase from a speech given by Bishop Ethelbert Talbot at a service for Olympic champions during the 1908 Olympic Games. The Olympic Creed reads:
“The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well.”
The creed and motto are meant to spur the athletes to embrace the Olympic spirit and perform to the best of their abilities.
1:49 PM
快乐的秘诀(how to be happy)(
在机场书店，只有大约一打是专门的书架。这也应归咎于达尔文那野蛮的进化论：只有最流行的作家，最新的小说以及那些被公认的经典作品才得以幸存。你不可能在这里找到王尔德、伏尔泰乃至海明威这些名气稍差一点的作家的作品–因为这里已经没有足够的空间来摆放它们了。简·奥斯丁的作品也只是那种最普通的平装本，至于埃德加·艾伦·坡的则只会在万圣节前夕才会被放上书架。这里更不会有休斯博士的诗集。
但是，这里却有整整一架子"＊＊自助"之类的书。
人们总为那些诸如怎样怎样让自己更具魅力、更聪明、更苗条之类的书着迷。你可以买本书来提高自己的单词量，也可以一目十行地啃下一大堆教你如何如何提高工作效率、更残酷、更快地往上爬之类的书，也可以看那些教你如何停下来赏闻路边玫瑰、怎样更好地享受人生之类的书，甚至还有书教你如何安排自己的洗手间。
所有这些都围绕着这样一个基本的主题：我们都希望快乐，我们都希望被爱、希望发现生活的真谛，还希望体验到因自我奉献而对周围带来的改变。
这就是了。所以我们这个"方脑袋专栏"，就是要告诉你快乐的秘诀。
●多吃几块饼干。少吃一块饼干并不会让你看起来更苗条或者曲线更优美。所以，继续放心地吃饼干吧，我推荐那种双面巧克力，中间还有巧克力馅儿的那种。
●无论是在汽车里、电梯间、超市、特别在Crate & Barrel and Pottery Barn这样的商店里，都要哼哼歌。在医院的走廊上，在会见重要客户的会议上，也要哼歌。当人们注目你的时候，朝他们眨眨眼睛。
●自己做冰棍。
●周末呆在家里，并拔掉电话插座。
●带上一根塑料吸管，去一家有特色的餐馆吃饭。在你喝完杯中的最后一滴可乐之前，一定要发出咕噜咕噜的声音。
●只点菜单上你从来没听说过的东西–类似名叫Gkaeng Cheud Bplah Meuk Yad Sai (鱿鱼汤加纳帕甘蓝或南瓜) 之类的。
●去跟陌生人交谈。
●收集那些虽不算贵重，但是却很难找到的东西。
●在公共场合出现的时候戴一顶很古怪的帽子。
●存一大罐硬币并埋在你家后面的院子里。然后画一张藏宝图，交给你的一个朋友。 （让他找去吧！）
●去你家附近的公园散步。在公园里翻几个筋斗。再想想，你最后一次翻跟斗是什么时候了的事情了？
●直接吃从罐子里取出的淹菜。
●自己建立一个网站，写自己的"方脑袋专栏" （仅适用于马特） 。
●独自在家过一天。把手机丢在家里。到街上去闲逛，自己叽哩咕噜一番，偶尔也反驳自己一番。
●买条小狗。给他取名为沙罗。
●戴上洁白的牙套，然后搬到好莱坞去住。然后成为明星。（这不是你一直所梦想的吗？）
●在法衣下穿的是系皮带的衬裤 (仅适用于修女 ) 。
●给朋友举办一个很突然的生日派对，邀请很多人参加。但实际上，举行派对这天跟你朋友生日还差好几天呢。
●当众打嗝。然后心满意足地长舒一口气。
●在沙滩上裸体晒太阳。在这一天要用欧洲腔来解释为什么这么不端庄的原因。
●中止你手上毫无意义的工作，然后集中全力去学摩洛哥长笛。
●去放放风筝。
●不要再把生命浪费在学摩洛哥长笛上，去找一份实在的工作。
●在图书馆、教堂、本地的汤馆或是居住区去充当"义工"。衣服一定要穿得破烂到你经常会被认为是"贫困一族"的程度。
●加入某一个保龄球联盟。买一个大红色的保龄球，取名为"戈尔巴契夫。"
●开车到最近的国家森林公园去。背一大包油煎鸡块和饼干步行一英里。然后找个干净的，不会碰上其它单身人士的地方搞一次野餐。
●用整个下午的时间盯着天上的云发呆、做白日梦。
●考虑考虑自己喜欢做的事儿。现在可以多去做做。
●遇见某人, 堕入情网, 然后幸福地生活。
How To Be Happy
By Matt Farr
At the airport bookstore, there are only about a dozen freestanding shelves of books. It's Darwinian selection at its most brutal: only the most popular authors, the newest novels, and the most recognizable classics survive. You won't find the lesser known works of Oscar Wilde or Voltaire or even Hemingway — there isn't space for them. Jane Austen makes only the briefest appearance, and Edgar Allen Poe shows his face only at Halloween. There are no collections of poetry beyond Dr. Seuss.
There is, however, a whole rack of self help books.
Americans are obsessed with making ourselves better. Smarter. Thinner. You can buy books to improve your vocabulary. You can devour a stack of books that will teach you to work more efficiently, more ruthlessly, and claw your way to the top — and then you can read books on how to stop and smell the roses and enjoy your life more fully. There are even books that will teach you how to organize your closets.
All of these things dance around the essential truth: we want to be happy. We want to be loved. We want to find meaning in our lives and feel that our contributions make a difference.
This, then, is the Rusty Brain Guide: How To Be Happy.
Eat more cookies. Abstaining from a single cookie isn't going to make you look svelte and toned. Go on, eat some cookies. I recommend the double chocolate ones with chocolate chips inside.
Sing. In your car. In elevators. At the mall, especially at Crate & Barrel and Pottery Barn. In hospital corridors. Before important client meetings. When people give you that patronizing look, wink at 'em.
Make Popsicles.
Stay home on the weekend and disconnect your phone.
Bring a plastic straw to a fancy restaurant. Make loud gurgling sounds when you get to the bottom as you attempt to drink every last molecule of diet Coke.
Order the stuff on the menu that you've never heard of — like Gkaeng Cheud Bplah Meuk Yad Sai (Stuffed Squid Soup with Napa Cabbage or Squash).
Talk to strangers.
Collect something weird that isn't expensive but is relatively hard-to-find.
Wear odd hats in public places.
Amass a jar of coins. Bury them in your back yard. Draw a treasure map and give it to a friend.
Walk to the park near your house. Do some somersaults. When was the last time you did a somersault, anyway?
Eat pickles out of the jar.
Build a Web site and write your own Rusty Brain column (Matt only).
Spend a day by yourself. Leave your cell phone at home. Wander the streets, muttering to yourself and occasionally disagreeing with what you've just muttered.
Buy a puppy. Name it Charo.
Get your teeth capped. Move to Hollywood. Become a star. (Isn't that what you've been dreaming about anyway?)
Wear thong panties under your habit (nuns only).
Throw a surprise birthday party for a friend. Invite lots of people. Make sure that your friend's actual birthday is nowhere near the date of the party.
Belch in public. Then sigh contently.
Suntan naked on a public beach. Adopt a European accent for the day to explain your complete lack of modesty.
Quit your worthless job and dedicate your life to the study of the Moroccan flute.
Fly a kite.
Stop wasting your life with the Moroccan flute and get a real job.
Volunteer at your library, or church, or your local soup kitchen, or Habitat for Humanity. Wear clothes so ratty that you are often mistaken for one of the "needy."
Use the word "Jonesing" as often as possible. As in, "Man, I'm Jonesin' for some homemade Popsicles." Studies have shown this will make you happy.
Join a bowling league. Buy a large red bowling ball. Name it "Gorbachev."
Drive to the nearest national forest. Hike a mile with a backpack full of cold fried chicken and biscuits. Find a clearing where you will not meet a single human and have a picnic.
Stare at the clouds for a full afternoon and dream.
Think about the things you love to do. Now go do those things more often.
Meet someone, fall in love, live happily ever after.
1:48 PM
最美的心(The Most Beautiful Heart)
One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered, and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a flaw in it.
一天，一位年轻人站在城镇的中央，宣布他的心是整个山谷中最美丽的心。围观的人很多，他们都称赞年轻人的心的确是完美无缺，并没有一点伤痕瑕疵。
Suddenly, an old man appeared and said, “Why, your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine.”
突然，一位老人出现在人群中，说：“你的心不如我的美丽。”
The crowd and the young man looked at the old man’s heart. It was full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn’t fit quite right, and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces were missing.
围观者和年轻人都朝老人的心看去：它布满了伤疤，有的地方被挖去又重新填补上，但修补得不甚完整，留下一些参差不齐的疤痕。实际上，有的地方缺失了整块，甚至露出很深的豁口。
The young man laughed. “Comparing your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars.”
年轻人笑了起来：“我们两人的心相比，我的是那么完美，而你的却是一堆伤疤。”
“Yes,” said the old man, “Yours looks perfect but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart that fits into the empty place in my heart. But because the pieces aren’t exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared.
“是的，”老人说，“你的心从表面来看很完美，但我绝不会跟你交换。你看，每个伤疤都代表我为别人献出的一份爱——我掏出一块心给他们，他们常常会掏出自 己的一块回赠给我，以填补我的空缺。但由于这两块不完全一样，伤口的边缘就留下了疤痕，不过我十分珍惜这些疤痕，因为它们使我想起我们共同拥有的爱心。”
“Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn’t returned a piece of his or her heart to me. These are the empty gouges — giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for those people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?”
“有时我送出了一瓣心，其他人并没有回赠给我，因此就出现了这些豁口——献出爱也是需要冒风险的。尽管这些豁口很疼，我还是让它们敞开着，因为它们能使我想起我付出的爱。我希望有一天，得到爱的人们能够回来填补上我心里的空间。你现在明白什么是真正的美丽了吧？”
The young man walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man.
年轻人默默走近老人，把手伸进自己完美的心中，撕下一块来，把它献给这位老人。
The old man placed it in his heart, then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man’s heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.
老人接过馈赠，把它放进自己的心里。然后他从自己疤痕累累的心里掏出一块，放在年轻人心里的那个伤口上。正好放进去，但不是特别吻合，也出现了一些疤痕。
The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man’s heart flowed into his.
年轻人看着自己的心，看起来不再完美但比以前更美丽了，因为老人心中的爱也流淌到了他的心里。
They embraced and walked away side by side.
他们拥抱着，肩并肩离开了。
1:46 PM
为快乐腾点空间
如果你想体验新鲜的东西，首先必须腾出空间。挪出旧的东西，为快乐腾点空间。一旦你为成功腾出了空间，并且加入你真正想要的，那便会给你带来快乐和满足感。
If you want something new and different in your life, you must first make room make room for happiness by moving out the old. The question is: Where do you start to begin to make room for happiness? You may find the answer right here
如果你想体验新鲜的东西，首先必须腾出空间。挪出旧的东西，为快乐腾点空间。问题是：你该从哪着手为快乐腾出空间？马上你就可以找到答案。
Time
How do you spend your time? Is it wasted time, or refreshing time? Does it take you toward your goals, or away from them? Are you consciously spending time, or just letting it happen?
时间
你的时间是怎么度过的？你是在浪费时间还是在充分利用它？它让你更靠近目标还是让你更加远离目标呢？你是自觉安排时间还是只是顺其自然？
Environment
What no longer is working for you in your environment? Are there unfinished projects that were important at one time, but no longer intrigue you? When you look around, does your environment make you feel good? Make you smile?
环境
在你周围什么东西已经没有价值了？是否有曾经很吸引你，如今却不再能激起你兴趣且尚未完成的工作？环视四周，环境是否让你感觉不错？让你微笑？
为快乐腾点空间
Relationships
What relationships are no longer effective to your happiness? Do the people in your life support you? Are you proud to introduce them to others? Do you learn from them?
关系
什么样的关系已经让你不再感到快乐呢？生活中身边的人支持你吗？你会很骄傲地向别人介绍他们吗？你从他们那儿学到什么？
Thinking
Do you talk to yourself like your best friend? Or do you talk to yourself like the neighbor you despise? Do your thoughts inspire and motivate you, or hold you back from your best self?
思考
你是否像朋友一样与自己交谈呢？还是像和你讨厌的邻居那样谈话？你的想法会赋予你灵感、激励你还是阻止你做最好的自己？
Work
Do you feel fulfilled and happy about your work, whether that’s a domestic engineer, or CEO? or do you dread doing the work, and just count the minutes until time off?
工作
无论你是家庭保姆还是执行总裁，你能从工作中获得满足和幸福吗？你是否对工作充满恐惧，并且只是熬时间等下班呢？
Once you have made the room for success, adding what you really want will give you pleasure and fulfillment. If you try to add it on top of what you already have, it will become just another source of aggravation. First, you must set up your life to support success.
一旦你为成功腾出了空间，并且加入你真正想要的，那便会给你带来快乐和满足感。如果你想在已经拥有的基础上再追求成功，它会变成另一种负担。首先，你必须为获取成功做好准备。
1:37 PM
Sunday, April 20, 2008
快乐买不到，但英国和澳大利亚的研究人员称，快乐至少可以遗传得到。
一项对近千对同卵及异卵双胞胎开展的研究发现，在快乐的性格特征中，有一半是由基因控制的，而另一部分则受到人际关系、健康、职业等因素的影响。
研究负责人、爱丁堡大学的蒂姆?贝茨说：“我们发现，研究对象在快乐方面的差异约有一半受到遗传基因的影响。这个结果实在令人惊讶。”
研究人员向年龄在25岁至75岁之间的志愿者提出了一系列问题，问题涉及他们的性格特点、焦虑程度以及对目前生活的满意度。
由于同卵双生的双胞胎基因完全相同，而异卵双胞胎不完全相同，所以研究人员可以分辨出决定某些性格特征及使人容易快乐的共同基因。
研究报告在《心理科学》期刊上发表。研究人员指出，善于交际、活泼、踏实、勤奋、有责任心的人更加快乐。
贝茨说：“该研究表明，同卵双胞胎的性格特征和快乐程度十分相似，然而，异卵双胞胎仅有约50%的相似度。这充分说明了基因的作用。”
贝茨说，研究人员一直在努力寻找有关“人为什么会郁闷”的更为合理的解释及影响不同的人快乐与否的因素，这一发现无疑为这一难题提供了一个重要解释。
他说，具有积极遗传性格特征的人实际上同时拥有一种“快乐储备”，供他们在郁闷的时候“支取”。
贝茨说：“这说明了很重要的一点，外向、冷静和可靠的性格特点能形成一种“情感储备”，为将来的快乐提供保障。”
Happy families - it’s in the genes
You can’t buy happiness but it looks like you can at least inherit it, British and Australian researchers said.
A study of nearly 1000 pairs of identical and non-identical twins found genes control half the personality traits that make people happy while factors such as relationships, health and careers are responsible for the rest of our well-being.
“We found that around half the differences in happiness were genetic,” said Tim Bates, a researcher at the University of Edinburgh who led the study. “It is really quite surprising.”
The researchers asked the volunteers – ranging in age from 25 to 75 – a series of questions about their personality, how much they worried and how satisfied they were with their lives.
Because identical twins share the same genes and fraternal twins do not, the researchers could identify common genes that result in certain personality traits and predispose people to happiness.
People who are sociable, active, stable, hardworking and conscientious tend to be happier, the researchers reported in the journal Psychological Science.
“What this study showed was that the identical twins in a family were very similar in personality and in well-being, and by contrast, the fraternal twins were only around half as similar,” Bates said. “That strongly implicates genes.”
The findings are an important piece of the puzzle for researchers trying to better understand depression and what makes different people happy or unhappy, Bates said.
People with positive inherited personality traits may, in effect, also have a reserve of happiness to draw on in stressful times, he said.
“An important implication is that personality traits of being outgoing, calm and reliable provide a resource, we called it ‘affective reserve,’ that drives future happiness” Bates said.
11:09 AM
Friday, April 18, 2008
幸福是什么?怎么样才幸福?我们一直在努力向大家诠释,希望通过下面的故事进一步向大家说明:
从前有个渔夫，他每天下一次海，每次总是撒下一网，无论捕捞到鱼的多寡，他从来不撒第二网。有人问他：“为何不多撒几网呢？多撒几网，就可以捕捞 到更多的鱼，换更多的钱。”渔夫说：“有了更多的钱，又能怎么样呢？”那人说：“那就可以幸福快乐地生活了。”渔夫说：“我每天撒下一网，已足够一家人衣 食无忧了。闲暇时，我可以和家人共享天伦之乐，也可以躺在沙滩上晒太阳，我觉得我已经很幸福了，又何必要捕捞那么多鱼呢？”这个富有哲理性的故事告诉我 们：生活幸福与否和财富的多少并不成正比，简单的生活常常孕育着幸福。追求幸福是人之常情，但许多人寻来觅去，耗费了巨大的时间和精力，虽然官不小了、钱 不少了，他们并没有感到幸福，因为他们的欲望永无止境，物质生活虽然丰富，精神上却日益枯萎、空虚，心理上承受着巨大的压力。
美国作家丽莎·普兰特说：“幸福来源于简单生活。简单其实是一种全新的生活哲学，当你用一种新的视野观察生活、对待生活，你就会发现简单的东西才是最美 的。”人生在世所求无多，弱水三千，只饮一瓢；广厦千间，夜眠八尺。茅屋草舍无妨我襟怀，布衣百姓不碍我高洁。前面提到的渔夫，所以感到幸福，就因为他欲 望不高，生活简单。那些高官、富翁所以感到烦恼，因为他们欲望太强、太盛，“欲壑难填”。人一旦被物质、金钱、名誉、地位、美色所累，就会活得很累，就不 会感受到幸福。人越生活简单，就会活得真实、轻松、自由、潇洒，就会感受到无穷的幸福。
我们所说的生活简单，并不是反对 提高生活水平，更不是提倡人们去过苦行僧般的清贫生活。而是说不要欲望太盛，标准过高，不要盲目与他人攀比，应把自己幸福的标准定得尽可能低点再低点。有 饭吃、有衣穿、有房住、有工作干，早晨平平安安出门，晚上平平安安回来，这就是一种幸福。有了这样的幸福标准，你就会感到幸福无时不有，无所不在。要做到 这一点，最重要的是我们要常怀一颗平常心，有一种知足常乐的心态。
11:57 PM
当代英国爱尔兰著名《圣经》注释学家巴克莱博士在《花香满径》开篇中指出：“幸福的生活有三个不可缺少的因素：一是有希望，二是有事做，三是能爱人。”
有希望
深山里有块寂寞的石头，总希望有一天能够像鸟儿高高翱翔，虽然每次总被同类嘲笑，却 不改初衷。一次一个叫庄子的人路过，石头对他倾吐心声，庄子说：“你先长成一座大山！”于是石头吸取天地之灵气、自然之精华，承接雨露之惠泽，拼命生长， 不知经过了多少年，受了多少风雨的洗礼，它终于长成了一座大山。于是，庄子招来大鹏以翼击山，天空乌云密布，雷电大作，一时间地动山摇，一声惊天动地的巨 响之后，山炸开了，石头飞向天空，像最矫健的老鹰冲向蓝天。虽然坠落无法避免，但石头已经亲吻过那片梦想的天空，那种幸福别的石头又怎么体会得到？
希望是土里的种子，是黑夜的光亮，是冬日的期盼，是沙漠里的绿洲。正因为其珍贵，维持起来更加困难重重。因此，呵护希望之花要有忘却过去的决心、直面现实的勇气和对未来持续的忧患。在波涛汹涌的现实生活里，我们要当最勇敢的水手，无论荆棘险滩，都珍藏最初的希望。
有事做
一个人如果没事做，总会觉得日子过得很慢，生活空虚。工作着的人最幸福。无事最容易 生非，生活中清闲的时间越多，生命潜伏的危机越大。丘吉尔也说过：一个人最大的幸福，就是在他最热爱的工作上充分施展自己的才华。在你自己挑选的位置上勤 奋工作，总能保持一种健旺的精神。正像劳累一天带来愉快的睡眠一样，勤劳的生命带来愉快的生活，那样的生命长久不衰，像一棵富有韧性的常春藤。一个人为事 业而思考、行动，他会获得忙碌的快意和收获的喜悦。点点滴滴的才华都在一天天开花、结果，这种幸福感绵绵不绝。
工作对于生命意义无穷，一个人经过工作才能日臻完善，并且领略人生各种况味。有喜欢 的事情可做，就在生命凄苦的泥淖之中开凿出了一道畅通的运河，沿途风景无限。一个人即便冥顽不化，即便忘记他的崇高使命，只要是踏踏实实埋头苦干，这个人 便不致无可救药。努力工作，而绝不贪婪卑吝，本身就会把人逐步导入真理，导入自然和谐的生活。
我的大学一直很忙碌，大多时间都花在校园文化建设中。很累，但我心甘情愿，无怨无悔。相反，当我想懒惰，我就会听到时间的马车如飞赶来――面前是无穷无尽的沙漠，尚待我的双手改造成绿洲，怎能偷懒？
能爱人
诗人白朗宁曾写道：他望了她一眼，她对他回眸一笑，生命突然苏醒。
艾青的《关于爱情》也很动人：“这个世界，什么都古老；只有爱情，却永远年轻。有了爱情，鱼在水中游，鸟在天上飞，黑夜也透明。”
亲人，爱人，朋友，都给予我们最珍贵的爱。有了爱，我们就会变得焕发、谦卑、有朝 气。新的希望油然而生，仿佛有千百件事等着我们去完成。有了爱，生命就有了春天，世界也变得万紫千红。爱的来临没有预约、也不可回避。一旦降生，就有呵护 其长成的责任。只要拥有一颗真诚善良的心，任何人都可以获得爱的权利……
常常默想：爱是什么？正如“美是难的”一样，爱也是难的。我们只能说，在灵魂中，爱 是一种占支配地位的激情；在精神中，它是一种相互的理解；我们只有变得更好，才有爱人的勇气，也才值得被人所爱。爱是心灵最隐秘最伟大的力量，若不能催人 向上，让人深味真善美，就是一种最大的浪费。
心中有希望，手中有事做，耳边有人说爱你，一，二，三，幸福很简单。朋友们，行动起来吧
11:55 PM
1. Slow Down and Stop Running Away. Trying to bury your problems underneath the pursuit of pleasure will not make them go away. Yes, you’ll feel good in the moment when you dive into chemicals, wild experiences, watching endless TV, new relationships, and sex, but every time the pleasure ends you will be right back where you started. The problems will still be there, still unresolved, and you’ll be looking for the next hedonistic experience to drown it out.
2. Let Go of Fear. If you are afraid to get off the vicious cycle described above, know that you can do it. You can handle it. Know that there is more than enough strength inside you. For many people, turning over their fear to God, a Higher Power, or to the Universe is a very powerful way to let go of fear. Another way is to imagine you are a child in your mother’s arms trusting her to take care of anything that comes along. Feel what that is like to release fear and to trust completely. Now do the same thing, but imagine being cradled by yourself. Feel and trust in your strength to handle anything in your life.
3. Let Go of the Notion That a Stormy Life is Romantic. Life is already stormy enough. You’ll have plenty of things in your life to keep it interesting. What you don’t want is factors that add unnecessary volatility to your life. Otherwise you’ll find yourself on the never ending cycle of chasing a high to heal your lows. See if you can identify what those factors are so you can begin to eliminate them one by one.
4. Return to the People Who Love You. These are the people you might be afraid will say “I told you so.” They might and they might not. Don’t worry about that. If there is any sense that someone has an agenda to exploit you then that is not the right person to go to. You want to go to the people who would be by your side when all the chips are down, when you are sick, and when you are penniless. Let your pride go and feel the relief of doing that. Go be loved. This means people who will listen to you, be with you, and support you.
5. Ask for Help. Don’t think you are burdening people. Don’t worry about people telling you “I told you so.” Don’t think you have to do work things out all on your own. Ask the people who love and support you for help. And don’t be afraid to ask a lot. Don’t worry. Pretty soon, once you’re feeling strong again, you won’t need to ask for as much help. But the good thing is you will have developed a very important habit of not being afraid to ask for help when you really need it.
6. Know Why You’re Trying to Change. Think of all the bad things in your life right now: the anxiety, the hangovers, the worry, the emotional turbulence and so on. Imagine how great life will be with all these difficulties eliminated from your life. “But,” you say, “I like the partying. I like chasing new relationships. I like the fast pace.” Changing your life doesn’t mean it will be without pleasure. It just means that you will be seeking a life that is more stable and less volatile. When you find purpose in your life and start taking care of yourself, you will have much more pleasure than you have today. You’ll still be able to laugh wildly, to do exciting things, to have fun, to have special romantic relationships, and so on. But it will all be in a way that supports a stable life. Stay focused on moving towards a better life and away from your current stormy life.
7. Find a Life Coach to Guide Your Life Planning. Purchase Anthony Robbins “Get the Edge” CD’s or Andrew Matthews tapes (my favorite self-help author) and start the fun activity of daydreaming what you want to do in your life. What is important to you? Start some life goal planning either on your own if you can or find someone who can walk you through the process. Planning your goals is fun. Go for it!
8. Take Baby Steps. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Change takes work and time. Go super slow. Be kind to yourself. Whenever you feel frustration emerging, remember the mantra “Go Slow.” Think about what is really important. Don’t worry about small things. Just take care of yourself. This will help break your knee-jerk reaction of diving into things that aren’t good for you whenever you are feeling low.
9. Exercise Daily. Get outside and either walk or jog everyday. Alternate listening to music and listening to your own thoughts. Use that time to enjoy nature and let go of your problems. It’s also a good time to plan solutions for your goals. Exercise makes people happier. It helps relieve anxiety. It makes you feel strong, which you are! Exercise is a great way to tap into your inner strength that is always available whenever you choose to plug into it!
10. Get Involved in Something Outside Yourself. When I was having anxiety in college, my campus job making sandwiches made me feel so good. I was too busy to worry about anything. It got my blood flowing and it stopped my brain from re-treading those worry paths over and over again. So find something to do that will keep you very busy for a period of time everyday or every other day. You could try volunteer work, a new hobby, a book club or some other social group. Just pick one and do it. And remember #5, ask for help if you need a jump getting started.
11:54 PM
Whether you have the winter blues, you're suffering from a disappointment, or you're just feeling a little down, we all have times when we could use a little lift. Here are 10 ideas to get you back on the upswing.
1. Plan Some Fun. Get out your calendar. Next do a search for things to do in your area. Local newspapers usually have a "What's Going On" section. Pick out your favorite 5 or 10 things. And remember the things you choose don't have to be big events. It can be as simple as taking a long drive in the country or going for a walk on the beach. Write them into your calendar. Invite someone to join you on some. For others go and meet some new people.
2. Express Your Creativity. Do some painting. Decorate your house with flowers. Do a paper mache project. Pick up that guitar, practice and write a song. Practice juggling. Make a funny photo album with all those old photos you've got in boxes by adding quirky caption above each picture. Learn how to play the harmonica. Write and illustrate a mini book or comic book. Maybe pick your favorite movie get a friend to act out one of the scenes with you while you videotape it. It doesn't have to be good. Just doing these things will make you feel good. And if you keep doing them you'll naturally get better.
3. Get Outside. Fresh air does wonders for your body and spirit. If you can go to a park or a place in nature, even better. Here are some things you could do: go for a walk, fly a kite, plant some vegetables or flowers, roller skate, ride a bike, or go on a 'treasure hunt" to find things for an art project.
4. Let Music Take You Higher. Turn on your favorite music and sing! Pull down the shades and dance. Rent a video on belly dancing. If you're in your car, you can still move a little to the music. Go for it! What do you care what other people think? Have fun with it! Sing, dance, play an instrument. Practice your favorite song and then go to karaoke and let the world hear your talent!
5. Walk a Dog. If you don't have your own dog, offer to walk a neighbor's dog. Or even better yet, sign up at the local MSPCA to walk the pooches who have no one to love them. What a nice way to make a difference!
6. Volunteer. There are so many ways to help others. Here are a few ideas.
* Feed people. Volunteer at a food kitchen or make your own homemade batch of food and share it with people who could use it: shut-ins, elderly, new mothers, someone who is works too much, etc.
* Help People: volunteer with the Salvation Army, the Red Cross, or Meels on Wheels.
* Mentor. Check out Big Brother/Big Sister, Mentoring.org, or SCORE(mentoring small business start-ups).
7. A Change Will Do You Good. Get some order in your house. Change your furniture around. Change your decorations, or maybe go minimalist for a change. Clear out the clutter. It doesn't matter where you start. Just pick a place in your home that's been bugging you and attack it! Then sell, throw, or give away stuff you don't need. You'll feel great afterward and you'll have made a dent in making your living space more peaceful. And maybe it will give you inspiration to tackle another area tomorrow.
8. Plan a Party. There doesn't need to be a good reason other than it's time for some fun. Start with a small idea and build around it. Maybe you can get inspired by a theme, certain foods, or your favorite music to get the ball rolling. Then think about who you would like to invite. When and where will you have it? Will you cook, hire caterers, or make it pot luck? A meal or finger foods? Will there be dancing, contests, games, or other fun stuff like costumes? Maybe it will be low key with some jazz music, wine and cheese. Or maybe it will be a Hawaiian luau. Or maybe if you have a lot of singe friends you can have a white elephant party. Call a friend for help with the logistics.
9. Personal Spa and Relaxation Day. Include as many of these ideas as you like or have time for. Get a massage, pedicure, and haircut. Take a bubble bath with candles, music and champagne. Give yourself an egg-white or mud mask facial. Line up 2-3 movies to watch in bed while eating your favorite delights: ice cream, chocolate, whip cream, jello, popcorn, finger food hors d'oeuvre, and more. What else would you include to pamper yourself?
10. Reach Out. Connect with friends and family. When was the last time you wrote and mailed an actual letter? Why not do it today? Or how about making some home made post cards with materials you have lying around the house. Cutout some pictures from magazines or from your photo collection and make a mini collage. Maybe just call one old friend from college or high school that you haven't talked to in forever. Or maybe you could visit a neighbor who might need some cheering up too! Bring some cookies!
11:47 PM
Something has you upset. You can’t get it off your mind. You’re troubled and you struggle with this ball of bad feelings. What’s the advice we frequently hear from others and even from ourselves? “Just let it go.” Well, that’s easier said than done.
“Just let it go” implies a sort of active forgetting. You’ve probably tried the experiment, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” Once you have that in your mind, you simply can’t forget it. The same is true with grief, anger, or other strong distressing emotions.
Let It Be
Another approach to consider is to “Let It Be.” What does this mean? I’m sure this can mean different things to different people, but what it means to me is to stay present with your uncomfortable feelings instead of running or hiding from them. Try to really feel those difficult emotions. Observe them. Don’t fear them or seek to run from them. Instead endeavor to live with them and learn from them, knowing that the time you spend doing this will help to heal you. When you do this with serenity, as much as you can muster, you will discover your strength and over time you will notice the bad feelings start to soften and melt.
Take Your Time
Depending on the circumstances, this can take quite a bit of time or it can work in an afternoon. The main thing to remember is not to rush it. Have faith and know that things will get better. Be patient with yourself and with the process.
Guide to Being Present
As you work to be present with your challenging emotions, here are some questions and affirmations to guide you:
- What am I really feeling right now? What is the essence of this feeling?
- As an observer, this is interesting.
- How would an outsider describe this?
- Why do I want to run away from this?
- Why does this feel bad?
- What can I do to change my perspective of this?
- What can I learn from these feelings?
- I can handle this.
- I can be at peace with this emotion passing through me.
- I’m not running from this and I’m also not attached to it.
- There is something to be learned from this.
- There is purpose in this. What is that purpose?
- I know the purpose will eventually be revealed.
- I am being strengthened by this.
- I am strong.
- It’s OK to feel this way. I don’t need to run away.
- This will morph into goodness in the long run.
Examples of When “Let It Be” Might Be Helpful
- Quitting smoking or other addictive substance
- Feeling anger after a conflict or fight
- Feeling grief after losing a loved one
- Disappointment
- Jealousy
- Sadness
- Living Life
“Let It Be” means being present with your difficult feelings, but it also means living life. A big part of healing is to live life, to be active, and engaged. If you are in the throes of grief, obviously you should take things slowly. Listen to what your body and soul tell you to do. But, do try, in small ways at first, to be active. This is not to drown out your feelings, but rather to give you the physical strength and the mental perspective that will help you be present with your feelings and heal. It’s a balance. Take the time to analyze and also take the time to live life. Wishing you peace.
How do you deal with difficult emotions? Please share in the comments!
11:40 PM
Try rising early. It’s not for everyone, I’ll admit. It may not be for you. But I’ve found it to be an amazing change in my life. It has made the start of my days much more positive, and I now have time for writing, exercise, and silent contemplation.
Do less. This is both a happiness and productivity tip. Doing less will make you happier, because your life won’t be so hectic and filled with stress. You will have time for things that give you pleasure, for the loved ones in your life, for life itself. It’s also a productivity tip: if you focus on the essential tasks, the big ones, the ones that will give you the most return for your time, and eliminate the rest, you will actually be more productive. You’ll get fewer tasks done, but you will be more effective.
Slow down. Many new readers to this site have read my productivity articles and think that I’m all about being hyper-productive. I’m not. Long-time readers know that I am about a simpler way of life. Unfortunately, in my free-lance blogging, other websites usually ask me to write about productivity, so the preponderance of my productivity writing has given the impression, I think, that I think people should be churning out work at an amazing rate, to the exclusion of all else. Actually, I feel that life is much more enjoyable if you slow down. By doing less, you can actually get more done, even if you work more slowly. And when you’re not working, you should definitely try switching to slow mode. Drive slower (it is so much more relaxing), walk slower, eat slower.
Practice patience. I’ve talked about how I’m trying to develop patience in my parenting article, but these tips really apply to everyone. If you easily lose your temper, you can become more patient with these tips. Once you’ve developed this skill (and it’s a skill, like everything else, not an unchangeable inborn trait), your life will become much saner and you will be much happier.
Practice compassion. This may be the most important tip of all, in my opinion. If you were to choose any of these, I would choose this one. The first part of compassion is empathy — and this ability to understand how others feel can be developed through practice. Start by imagining the suffering of a loved one. Understand their pain, the emotions they go through, and why they would react the way they would. By doing this exercise a number of times, you are developing a skill that can be applied to others — for every person you see, try to understand what they are going through. Try to learn and understand more about their background, and why they react the way they do. Once you’ve developed this invaluable skill, learn the other half of compassion — acting on your understanding, and helping others, alleviating their suffering, acting with kindness. This one thing can bring true happiness to your life, and the lives of those around you.
Find your passion. Another indispensable tip. This might be the second on my list of priorities. Find something you love to do, and your life will become immensely improved. You will love your work, the thing that you spend 40 hours (or more) a week doing. You will become more productive, procrastinate less, be less stressed. You will produce something you are proud of, and happy about. .
Lose weight. This only applies, of course, if you are overweight. But losing your extra fat (and when I say lose weight, I mean lose fat), decreases your health risks (obviously), makes you look better, and in general is very likely to increase your happiness about yourself. I actually recommend that you learn to be comfortable and happy with how you look now, and not feel negative about yourself even if you are overweight. However, I’ve found that losing weight (at least for me) is a great way to feel better about your body. Do not make this an unhealthy obsession, however — lose weight gradually, and enjoy the process. See the next two tips for the best methods for doing this.
Exercise. Make this a daily habit. Exercise not only helps you lose weight, but for me, it’s made me feel so much better. I actually enjoy exercise now. It’s a time of contemplation for me, and I feel so much better about myself afterwards.
Eat healthy. I don’t recommend dieting. It’s too restrictive and you usually fall off it at some point. I do recommend changes to your diet, however — ones you make gradually, and that can be sustained for life. It not only helps lose weight, but really, once you start eating healthier, it is actually much more enjoyable.
Meditate. OK, you might be like me — not into New-Age stuff. But meditation can actually be a very simple method for relaxing, for bringing calm, for returning yourself to sanity, for contemplation.
Get organized. This one’s not necessary. You could go through life wonderfully messy, searching for stuff, enjoying the search. But I’ve tried disorganized, and I’ve tried organized. The second is much more enjoyable to me.
Think positive. Another one of the most important tips on this list, thinking positive — as cliche as it might sound — is one of the single best changes you can make in your life that will lead to so many more positive tips.
Simplify your finances. Cut down on the number of accounts you have, cut down on your credit cards, spend less, reduce your bills.
Simplify your life. Another of my top tips. I’ve greatly simplified my life, in many ways, and I can say that having less stuff in my life, and less to do, has greatly increased my enjoyment of life.
Accept what you have. The problem with many of us is that we always think that we’ll be happy when we reach a certain destination — when we get a certain job, or retire, or get our dream house. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there, you might have a new destination in mind. Instead, try being happy with where you are, with who you are, and what you have. To do that, instead of comparing what you have with other people, or with what you want, compare yourself those who have less, with those who are going through tragedy, with those who are struggling. You will see that you actually are extremely blessed. And this can lead to more happiness with your current situation.
Envision your ultimate life. What would your ultimate life be like? Where would you live, what would you do, what would you do with your days? Come up with a clear picture of this, and write it down. Now, one step at a time, make it come true. Some ways of doing that follow.
Set long-term goals. Your vision of your ultimate life will help you come up with long-term goals. Of those goals, pick one to accomplish within the next year, and really focus on that. Now, pick one medium-term goal to achieve in the next few months that will get you further toward your longer-term goal. Now decide what you can do this week, and today, to get you to your medium-term goal. Just choose one thing at a time, focus on it, make it happen, and then choose the next thing to focus on.
Review goals. Setting goals is important, but the key to making them a reality is actually reviewing them (at least monthly, but weekly is better) and taking action steps to make them come true. Again, focus on one at a time, and really focus on them.
Life mission. Related to envisioning your ultimate life, but different — it’s important that you think about how you would like to be remembered when you die — so you can start living the life that leads to that now. Live with purpose in life, and wake up every day with that purpose in mind.
Plan your big tasks for week and day. Give purpose to your day by determining the three most important things you can do with your day, and making those a priority. Do the same thing with your week to increase your productivity: pick out the big tasks you’d like to accomplish this week, and schedule those first.
Maintain focus. One important key to achieving your goals is to maintain focus on them. To do this, again, it’s important that you select one goal at a time. This will prevent your focus from spreading too thin. It’s also important that you give yourself constant reminders of your goal, so you don’t lose that focus. Put up a poster of your current goal, or print it out and put it out somewhere visible, and send yourself emailed reminders. However you do it, find a way to maintain a laser-sharp focus, and the goal will come true.
Enjoy the journey. Goals are important, but not at the expense of happiness now. It’s important to maintain a balance between going where you want to go, and being happy as you go there. It’s easy to forget that, so be sure to remind yourself of this little, but important, tip as you make your journey.
Create a morning and evening routine. These are two great ways to add structure to your day, make sure you review your goals and log your progress, and get your day off to a great start. An evening routine, for example, could be a great way not only to wind down from a long day and review how your day went, but to prepare yourself for your next day so the morning isn’t so hectic. Your morning routine is great way to greet the day, to get some exercise or meditation or quiet contemplation, or to get some writing or other work done.
Develop intimate relationships. It’s great to have a special someone, of course, but intimate relationships could be found with anyone around you. If you have a significant other, be sure to spend time each day and each week with that person, to work on your relationship and communicate and continue to bond. But if you don’t, there’s no need to despair (if in fact you are) … intimate relationships can be developed with friends, other family members, kids, roommates, classmate, co-workers. Every single person we meet is a fellow human being, with the same desires for happiness, for food and shelter, for an intimate connection. Find that common thread, be open and sincere, find out more about each other, understand each other, and give love. This can be one of the most important things you do.
Eliminate debt. Financially, this is a huge way to relieve stress and make you feel much more secure. I suggest that you get rid of your credit cards (if you have a problem with credit card debt or impulse spending) and create a snowball plan for yourself. It may take a couple of years, but you can get out of debt.
Enjoy the simple pleasures. You can find these everywhere. Food (I love berries!), sunsets, sand between your toes, fresh-cut grass, playing with your child, a good book and a warm bed, dancing in the rain, your favorite music. You could probably make a list of 20 simple pleasures right now, things you enjoy that you could find every day. Sprinkle those little pleasures throughout your day. It makes the journey much more enjoyable.
Empty your inbox and clear your desk. This might take a little while to do at first, but once you’ve emptied your inbox and cleared off your desk, it doesn’t take long to keep them clear from then on. It’s a simple habit that’s vastly rewarding. I get an inordinate amount of pleasure from having a clean desk. I recommend you give it a try.
Build an emergency fund. This is standard-issue financial advice, I know … and yet it is extremely important. I cannot stress how important it is to have at least a tiny emergency fund in the bank. You often hear that you should have six months saved up. Don’t be intimidated by that. Start out with just a hundred dollars if you can. Cut back on a few things. Then build it up, every payday. Once you have, let’s say, $1,000, it will make a huge difference in your life. It’s not much, and you should still add to it every paycheck, but at least now you’re not living paycheck-to-paycheck, and if an unexpected emergency comes up you can pay for it, rather than not paying other bills and falling behind. It’s a simple step, but it will mean a lot.
Keep a journal. This is not one of the more important tips, but I can attest that it’s rewarding. I, for one, have a bad long-term memory, and by writing things down, I can look back and remember what happened a month ago. I just started this a couple months ago, actually, but ti’s been awesome. I started an online journal, something I call the one-sentence journal, and my goal is to just write one sentence a day. Sometimes I write two or three, but the idea is the same — just get one or two things down that happened that day, so I can always look back on it later.
Use the power of others. Achieving your goals can be difficult, but using the power of others makes it much more likely to happen. For example, put positive public pressure on yourself by announcing your goal on your blog. Or join an online forum, or a group in your neighborhood, that you can count on for support. I have a mailing list for the May Challenge here on Zen Habits, for example, and our group has helped me stick to my goal of daily exercise even when I started to falter — and the rest of the group can tell you they’ve experienced similar success because of the positive power of the group.
Read, and read to your kids. I read all the time — it’s one of my favorite things to do in the world. I love to curl up with a good novel (or even a trashy one) and I can waste away an afternoon with a book. And I’m passing on my love of reading to my kids, by reading to them every day. I love spending time with them this way, and we all enjoy the stories we share together through books.
Limit your information intake. In our lives today, we get a tremendous amount of information through email, blog feeds, reading websites, paperwork, memos, newspapers, magazines, television, DVDs, radio, mobile phones and Blackberries. Not only can this be overwhelming, but it can be distracting and can fill up your life until you have no time for more important things. Go on a media fast to get control over your information intake, and to simplify your life
Create simple systems. Once you’ve simplified your life, the way to keep it simple is by creating systems for everything you do regularly. Create an efficient system for laundry, mail and paperwork, errands, your workflow. Anything, really.
Take time to decompress after stress. There will inevitably be times in your life when you go through high stress. Perhaps several times a week. To maintain your sanity, you need to find ways to decompress.
Be present. Time can go by extremely quickly. Before you know it, your life has passed you by. Your kids are grown and your youth is gone. Don’t let your life slip by — enjoy it while it’s here. Instead of dwelling in the past or thinking about the future, practice being in the here and now.
Develop equanimity. Keep your sanity through all the challenges that life throws at you. Rude drivers, irritating co-workers, mean commenters on your blog, inconsiderate family members. This takes a bit of practice, but you can let these things slide off you like you’re Teflon. .
Spend time with family and loved ones. One of the things that can lead to the greatest happiness, make this a priority every week, every day. Clear off as much time as possible to spend with those you love, and truly enjoy those times. Be present as you do it — don’t think about work or your blog or what you need to do. .
Pick yourself up when you’re down. There will always be times in our lives when we get a little down, even depressed. Take action to get yourself out of your slump.
Don’t compare yourself to others. This is hard to do, but it can be a great way to accept who you are and what you have. Whenever you find yourself comparing yourself to a co-worker, a friend, or someone famous (those models on magazines with amazing abs), stop. And realize that you are different, with different strengths. Take a minute to appreciate all the good things about yourself, and to be grateful for all the blessings in your life.
Focus on benefits, not difficulties. If you find yourself struggling to do something, or procrastinating, stop thinking about how hard something is, or why you don’t want to do it. Focus instead on what benefits it will have for you, what opportunities it will create — the good things about it. By changing the way you see things, you can change how you feel about them and make it easier to get things done.
Be romantic. If you have that special someone, find little ways to be romantic. It can do wonders to keep your relationship alive and fresh. It doesn’t take tons of money, either.
Lose arguments. I know someone who just celebrated his 50th anniversary, and I asked him for his secret to a long and happy marriage. He told me, that if I ever get into an argument with my wife, to just shut up. What he meant, I think, is that I shouldn’t try to be right in every argument. I think this is a reminder many of us need, not just the married ones. But instead of just giving up the argument, instead of trying to be right, instead seek to understand. Really try to understand the other person’s position, to see it from their point of view. This little tip can lead to much happiness.
Get into the flow. This is both a happiness and productivity tip. Flow is the term for the state we enter when we are completely focused on the work or task before us. We are so immersed in our task that we lose track of time. Having work and leisure that gets you in this state of flow will almost undoubtedly lead to happiness. People find greatest enjoyment not when they’re passively mindless, but when they’re absorbed in a mindful challenge. Get into that flow by first doing something you are passionate about, and second by eliminating all distractions and really focusing on the task before you.
Single-task. I don’t believe in multi-tasking, at least not on a day-to-day basis. Instead, focus on one task at a time. This leads to greater productivity and less stress. You can’t go wrong with that kind of combination.
Be frugal. This is a habit, rather than a goal. It is a way of living, a different mindset, and the best way to live within your means. It doesn’t mean being cheap or forsaking pleasure, but it does mean finding less expensive ways to do things, learning to live with less (and be happier in the process), and controlling impulse spending. I don’t have a single article to give you as reference, but frugality is a recurring theme on Zen Habits.
Start small and slow. Regular Zen Habits readers know that I advocate starting slow with any goal or habit change, and starting with a small goal rather than a big one. Why small? Because it’s something you are sure to achieve — and once you do achieve it, you can use that success to push you to further success. It’s a simple technique, but it really works. Start slow when you start exercise, or other similar activities — there’s no need to rush it in the beginning, to overdo it. You have the rest of your life!
Learn to deal with detractors. We all face detractors in our lives. They are the naysayers who, even if they are well-intentioned, will make us feel unworthy, or that you cannot achieve a goal. They will tease or be negative. In order to achieve your goals, you need to learn how to deal with these detractors and overcome this common obstacle.
Go outdoors. These days, too many of us spend so much of our time indoors, especially if our jobs and our ways of having fun are all online. Our kids are often just as bad or worse, with so many ways to watch TV, surf the internet or play video games. Get them and yourself outdoors, appreciate nature, the beauty of the world around us, and the fun of physical activity.
Retire early. This isn’t a sure way to become happy — you can retire and be bored out of your mind and unhappy — but it’s surely a cool goal. And if you do something meaningful with your life, such as volunteer and help others, it can be a way to be really happy. It’s not an easy goal, either, but you can retire early by cutting back on your living expenses, increasing your income, and investing the difference. The more you can do of all three, the fast you’ll retire. And that’s a truly liberating idea.
Savor the little things. Sure, the big things can bring big pleasure, but there are so many more little things in our lives. Savor them when they come up. It’s a way of practicing being present — stop and notice what you’re doing right now, what’s around you. And take time to enjoy it.
Be lazy. There’s a time to be productive, and there’s a time to be plain ol’ lazy. I like the latter, and do it every chance I get. Does that make me a lazy person? Probably not, but even if it does, I don’t care. It makes me happy, and the kids love being lazy with me.
Help others. While finding pleasure in life is one way to be happy, doing something that is more than you, that helps others to be happy or to suffer less, is even more rewarding. I suggest you find a good cause or two and volunteer some of your time. You don’t have to commit to big chunks of your life, but just volunteer for a couple of hours. All of us can find a couple of hours in a week or a month. If you do this, you will find out how tremendously happy this will make you. You might even become addicted.
11:18 PM
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I hate black for the next two years
这两年内我不喜欢黑。
10:23 PM
Saturday, February 16, 2008
当兵真闷.....
My daily routine....
9am - breakfast
9.30am - 10am - then start work (surf net)
12pm - skip lunch(Zzzz...)
1.30pm - work again (surf net)
3.30pm - 4pm - tea break (sometimes)
5.30pm - Home time
Recently kanna lecture by one abu nei nei second warrant...She scolded me because she thought i was sleeping during office hour. I told her that i was tired. Then she commented that she wanted me to shift to her side of office...so that she can closely monitoring me...i was so "du lan" that i told her that sleepy face doesn't mean sleeping....hahaha...everyone in her side of office was laughing and she was pissed off....This was not the first time that i talk back to her in this way....
1:29 AM
Thursday, October 04, 2007
This is my third week in NS...Time really fly. On 17 sept, i was just enlisted and went to tekong for a 5 day 4 night chalet.Why chalet? Basically, what i did was, sleeping, eating, sleeping....We had so much time that we dun know what to do...No choice but to sleep.Sometimes we can slp for 4 times a day,shower 3 times and brush our teeth 3 times.
I was in Raven company, platoon 1 section 1. Ppl of my section are those over 20. My felt my section was the funniest section in the company.. There was a Indian, who really a joker. He really like a blur sotong, he always do silly stuff. We had a nickname for him, kiam kana which means salty Olive. One morning he ate the Chinese food just because he can't see his muslim friend. He told everyone that his brother stand at 4am and he F the bed...
There was a malay guy, who always offering ppl his "chewing gum" which is his Lampa...He had this really funny and dirty joke..He said he was involved in a seriouse bike accident, he had this deep cut which can't close up. Suddenly he pull down his shorts and showed us his butt...Hahaha....
Now i am in gloucester camp which is located near aya raja camp. I am a clerk there...This wk i went to 3 other camps, Monday-tekong, wednesday-hendon camp and today at kranji camp 3 for whole day... Today we are having a mini road show for the NS man...telling them what is the latest technology that army has on the combat ration, armour and communication etc...
6:37 PM
